…All I need is some positive momentum


August 18, 2015

Yesterday wasn’t a banner day, but it also wasn’t really bad. I wasn’t quite as excellent during my work with clients as I normally am, and I kind of got the feeling I was a distraction during training. Not ideal, but certainly not terrible. I got to spend some time talking to one of the women in class, nothing too terribly deep or anything, but idle chit-chat. It’s nice that someone made a bit of effort to do that. Beyond that though, there wasn’t a particular high point for the day which makes journaling about a good experience from the day a little more difficult. Still, the fact that I’m fitting into class and such, that’s good. One of the things I always worry about in training situations is that my personality will be too big and throw off the chemistry of the room and provide a chance for some hard feelings. I don’t want to create hard feelings, just want to help people keep up with me, because I learn ridiculously quickly.

As for my exercise, I didn’t get quite as long of a walk as I usually do, only about a mile. The pace was less deliberate though, so it felt a little more effective as exercise than as a meditation period. Most likely because I wasn’t trying to enjoy a cigar at the same time. Still, I do enjoy getting out and moving around and trying to work away some stress, and ideally some of the copious amounts of body fat I’m currently carrying.

I am also grateful for the fact that my dogs are relatively well trained. They were when we got them, which makes for relatively easy ownership. They are potty trained, and will let me know when they need to take care of their business. They are also generally excited to go on our evening walks. They’re amazing.

I think some gratitude needs to be extended to my trainer at work. He’s done an excellent job of presenting information in a clear and relatively concise manner. It leads to fewer questions that can bog down a class when trying to prepare to be talking to and assisting clients. I hate classes that get easily sidetracked, but he does a good job keeping things on point.

I am also grateful for Maria, it’s rare that it feels like someone actually wants to be around me. By that, I mean actively seeking out my company and talking to me. It’s not an everyday thing, but certainly happens enough to make me feel like someone wants to be my friend. Since I moved to Utah almost 7 years ago, I haven’t made many friends partially because I hadn’t stayed in the same place too long, and partially because I feel like I don’t fit in here. Maria isn’t from around here, so that’s probably part of the reason we interact so well.

I’m going to work on making today a better day, thank you again for taking a moment to read my thoughts.


August 17, 2015

Yesterday was my birthday, it’s a nice day for reflection and relaxation but I really try to keep it from being a big deal. My mantra for most things is ‘Act like you’ve been there before’. Big celebrations and the like, that’s not my style. But, a day with very few responsibilities gives me a chance to reflect on years past, to allow myself a chance to look at my long term future, and after all of that to live in a moment that is nearly perfect.

With yesterday being my birthday, I didn’t do much exercise, but I did get out for a mile and three-quarters walk with my dachshunds (Copper and Patrick aka my best friends) while enjoying a Don Pepin Garcia Blue Label cigar. It was an excellently flavored smoke, but would have really benefitted from a little more time to rest before I smoked it. I also managed to add a plank to my routine in the morning, work on the core muscles because that’s where most of my weight troubles lie. I think an evening walk and a good cigar after work should become a regular thing. Granted, the only cigar I have left is more of an event cigar than a nightly walk one.

Yesterday was also about free food, burgers from Red Robin (…Yum!) and a free sub from Firehouse Subs. Firehouse Subs is where I accomplished my good deed for the day, I donated $5 to local first responders (fire, police, EMTs, and others). I’m not usually one for donating in a store of any sort, so that was a little different for me. Still there are a lot of people relying on those folks and I’m sure any extra money helps. It didn’t make me feel as… I don’t know, warm and fuzzy, I guess, as returning the tennis ball on Saturday, but it felt nice to be helping.

Today, I’m grateful for my friends, and not just Copper and Patrick, but my human friends. Most of them just can’t drop everything to come and see me on my birthday and I’m sure for most of them posting a happy birthday message on Facebook is just a quick chore done with little thought, but it means a lot to me. Knowing that I’m not forgotten by those who I was really close with in Pennsylvania.

I am also grateful for good weather. While the days here have been brutally hot, by the time Copper, Patrick, and I head out for our evening walk it’s usually comfortably cool. So it means we can get a large percentage of our walk completed before they need a break. On a related note, I need to get a collapsible water dish to take with us on our walks. I want to regularly be walking 2 miles each evening with them, so I think some water will help them get through it a little easier. Regardless of that, the fact the nights have been ideal for a walk has been wonderful.

Perhaps the thing I am most grateful for today, is that I finally seem to be getting on track with my career. It’s been about a month since I started working at Wells Fargo, and it feels like a really good fit. Granted, it might be the fact that the novelty of being a banker hasn’t worn off yet, but it feels right. Even working in one of the call center portions of the banking service feels right. I work with good people, and it’s like the bank actually cares about me as a person, and as a team member. The fact that I have so many different options as to how to continue my career also doesn’t hurt. I thought once before that I was on the right track with my career only for the train to get derailed, but this time, it just feels like a great fit.

Once again, thank you for stopping by to read my thoughts. Have an excellent day.

August 16, 2015

After failing to meet my prescribed goals a week ago, I’ve decided to try again, starting today. Fittingly enough, my birthday and exactly one year prior to a deadline for meeting one of my bigger goals, my weight loss goal. So, let’s journal today and see how far I can take this, shall we?

Yesterday was a good day, in preparation of my birthday I acquired some fine cigars to enjoy when walking with my two best friends Copper and Patrick, aka the best dachshunds in the world. I was able to take them on a long walk, about a mile and a half or so. While enjoying a Kristania robusto from Kristoff cigars. While on our walk a ball came flying over a fence to one of the housing developments across the street from our usual route. So, we walked over and tossed that back into the yard it came from, the ball was wet with what felt like dog slobber, so that was slightly unpleasant but it does mean someone will be able to continue playing with their dog today. I’m sure that makes the dog and their owner very happy.

I’m particularly grateful to the rollers for Kristoff cigars and those under the employ of Don “Pepin” Garcia, I love their work and that hour or puffing on a cigar allows any stress I have to float away. A lot of people will say that smoking cigars is bad for my health, and maybe it isn’t good for my physical health, but it does wonders for my emotional and mental health so I call it a win either way.

I am also grateful for the other bloggers using WordPress, for giving me insight on things I have no real experience with. Things that I’m interested in, like fitness and healthier dieting, but also those things that while I’m not interested in. Things that I feel I should understand more, because they are issues that many people deal with (such as eating disorders and the like) and if I take the time to understand it, I might be able to help someone along the way find a healthier balance in their life. I appreciate that information being out there, and visible so I can learn about it from a less… clinical view.

I think though, that today I am the most grateful for my luck. I’ve been on the planet for 35 years today. I’ve been lucky, I’ve had some friends and acquaintances who didn’t make it this far. I’ve had some who made bad decisions that changed their life, and even though they seem to have come out of it okay, it made things more difficult for them. I’ve been lucky, lucky that not only have I made it this far, but that my bad decisions didn’t lead to any serious new difficulties in my life. Having a poor job history isn’t nearly as bad as going to prison for several years. I can still get to where I want to be, and I can get there relatively easily. I know how lucky I am, and I know that as long as I continue to have that kind of luck, and I put in the necessary hard work that I will be successful and that is all any one can really ask for.

Thank you for taking the time to read my words today.

August 10, 2015

Sunday was a good day, a good starting point in trying to reprogram myself into a more positive individual. Spent most of the day being productive with housework, and when not doing that playing some Madden while waiting for the new one to be released I began a new franchise game as the San Diego Chargers. There wasn’t a particular high point, but just an all around pleasant day. I expect the same today, though I will be at work so I may not have as productive a day, even though I get a lot of knowledge that will be useful during training, I don’t actually get much done.

Today, I am grateful for the fact that I have a good job with legitimate opportunities to advance, and advance quickly. I am grateful that because of the job I can now start correcting some of the mistakes I made in my youth. I am also grateful for having three individuals in my life who I love and they return that love on a regular basis.

Yesterday’s exercise involved walking my dogs for a mile, with the express purpose of walking for a mile. According to my fitbit, I walked just under 10,000 steps on the day, finishing with 9,749, which isn’t bad. Since most days I get around 7,000-7,500 steps. I imagine for the next week or so this will be where my step totals will be, though I’ll need to find a way to push over the 10,000 step goal I set for myself.

My meditation yesterday was completed in the confines of a warm bath, something I don’t usually allow myself the pleasure of having. Still, coming out of the bath I felt more relaxed both mentally and physically, which really is the point of baths. As opposed to showers where the goal is to get clean.

As for my weight loss, the exercise I’m doing as part of my positivity programming will also serve as a beginning to meeting my weight loss goal. It’s a significant goal, as such I want to allow myself plenty of time to reach it. So, my goal is to down to 225 pounds by my 36th birthday, which is a year and 6 days from now.

Today, for example my weight is 357 pounds, with 71.3 percent of that being body fat according to my scale (I believe the 357, big birthday celebration dinner and all, the body fat percentage seems off though). So 132 pounds in about 53 weeks, seems doable enough as long as I stay on task. Ideally, I also want my body fat percentage to be between 15 and 20 percent, which is really going to be the hardest part because I enjoy fatty foods way too much.

Still, I’m going to work hard, and I will reach this goal. As such as I do my positivity programming, I’ll include updates on the weight loss as well. Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day.

Re-Calibrating Myself

I’ve been inactive on this site for awhile. No excuses, just haven’t done what I said I was going to and haven’t done all I need to keep myself accountable for my writing habits. I’ve been watching a lot of things lately, trying to develop myself a little bit on a personal level, and I think there’s a few things I can do to help re-calibrate myself to find positives in the world, but also to find positives in myself. That’s something I’ve struggled with a great deal.

Since my last entry I have embarked on a new career, with one of the largest banks in the United States. This bank is about developing their talent and really doing all they can to keep people in their employ for long stretches of time. I’ve been a lot of places where they tout that they promote within, and all of that, and never see anything resembling those promises. I’ve seen 4 promotions and 2 other internal job listings for positions higher up the ladder in the 2 and a half weeks I’ve been with the bank. It doesn’t hurt that the bank has also treated me well as a customer for the nearly 9 years I’ve been with them. It’s finally beginning to feel like I’ve found a place I can grow into a career. Which took me longer than I would have liked.

As I’ve been going through my training, some led by a facilitator and some done via web based modules I’ve had some free time between lessons. Sometimes I’ve used that time to get more well versed in product knowledge, I can’t suggest a savings account to a customer if I don’t know anything about savings accounts. The rest of that time has been used viewing TED talks, which can provide me with some insights that I didn’t really have before. Now, I came across one I saw at a previous job, one I really enjoyed, from Shawn Achor. Having seen this one before, it reminded me of a habit I had gotten into at that previous job, and saw results from. Though that job just felt wrong to me, the process and habits mentioned in this video did work. As such, I’m here, going to use this site to re-start that habit, to re-calibrate myself, and become more positive and ideally more successful in my new career.

Since I get paid on Fridays for the foreseeable future, I will likely begin actually adding my journaling, my gratefulness, and acts of kindness on Sunday, allowing me to actually devote time to getting them done on Saturday. I think carrying a small notebook with me, writing things down as they happen will actually make it easier to recall things that I’ve done and would like to add to the journaling here. I think I also want to have a hard copy as well, so I can write it myself, make it even more committed to memory. I intend to do that for at least 21 days, but ultimately I hope to do it much longer than that. I want to make it a regular thing for a long time, to keep myself in a better frame of mind and help increase my personal success.

The other thing I hope to do on a daily basis is follow my weight loss plan, which partially fits in with the journaling I intend to do. Ultimately, if there’s not a concrete goal, it’s hard to stay focused. Even with a concrete goal, it can be hard to stay focused. I know I’ve lost focus many times, I still keep coming back to attempting to reach them, but because I let it slide I end up a little farther away every time I start over. So, I’m hoping to instill a little discipline with the journaling and exercise, and just trying to become a better person overall. If you want to follow along, great, I’d love to hear some feedback, tips and such. If you don’t, that’s okay too. This isn’t really about gathering regular readers, it’s about re-calibrating me to a better frame of mind and finding a better physical me.